很多學生說:「我不知道我現在幾分、下一步要改什麼。」答案最簡單的方式是——把同一題的 Band 6、Band 7、Band 8 放在一起看

本篇用一個教育題目,寫出三個版本,然後逐項標出:哪一句、哪一個字讓這篇比上一個 band 高

題目

Some people believe that universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students on every course. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.


Version A — Band 6(約 255 字)

Nowadays, many people think that universities should have the same number of male and female students in every subject. In my opinion, I partly agree with this idea.

On the one hand, equal numbers of men and women in university is good. It is good because it makes students feel fair. For example, in Taiwan, engineering has a lot of boys and only a few girls. The girls feel lonely and they cannot study well. If there are more girls, they will feel more comfortable and they will study better. Also, when boys and girls work together, they can learn from each other. This is good for their future jobs because in the workplace there are both men and women.

On the other hand, I think it is not always good to force the same number. Some subjects like nursing have more girls and some like computer science have more boys. This is because men and women like different things. If we force the same number, some students cannot study what they want. This is not fair for them. Also, the quality of students is important. If we only look at gender, some good students cannot enter the university.

In conclusion, I think universities should try to have similar numbers of men and women, but not exactly the same. It is important to have fairness, but it is also important to let students choose what they like.


Version B — Band 7(約 275 字)

The question of whether universities should enforce a gender balance in every course has become a prominent issue in recent years. In my view, while the goal of equal representation is commendable, imposing strict quotas in every subject is unlikely to produce fair outcomes.

Supporters of equal admissions argue that gender imbalance in certain fields discourages talented applicants from the under-represented group. In engineering faculties across Taiwan, for instance, female students often make up less than 15% of the cohort, which can create an unwelcoming environment that deters others from applying. A more balanced classroom would not only provide role models but also enrich group discussions, since men and women frequently bring different perspectives to technical problems.

However, strict quotas raise concerns of their own. If universities are required to admit identical numbers regardless of the applicant pool, some qualified candidates may be rejected solely because of their gender. Furthermore, genuine personal preferences play a role in subject choice: fields such as early-childhood education attract far more female applicants, while physics attracts more males. Forcing a 50-50 split could frustrate students' actual interests without addressing the underlying causes of imbalance.

In conclusion, although I recognise the value of gender equity in higher education, I believe universities should focus on removing barriers rather than enforcing numerical quotas. Outreach programmes and scholarships would attract a wider pool of applicants to traditionally imbalanced subjects, which is a more sustainable solution than imposing rigid admission caps.


Version C — Band 8(約 300 字)

The proposal that universities should admit identical numbers of male and female students to every course has gained traction amid wider debates on gender equity. While I share the underlying aim of dismantling structural barriers, I would argue that uniform quotas are a blunt instrument, and that the more meaningful intervention lies upstream — in who applies in the first place.

The case for parity is intuitive. Severely skewed cohorts, as seen in electrical engineering faculties where women frequently constitute under 15 percent of enrolment, can perpetuate themselves: prospective female applicants, seeing few role models, self-select out before they ever submit an application. A mandated balance would, in principle, rupture that feedback loop and signal institutional commitment to inclusion.

Yet the same policy risks producing the very injustice it purports to address. Admitting by gender rather than by merit inevitably displaces better-qualified candidates, and in fields where the applicant pool itself is genuinely skewed — early-childhood education and veterinary science lean heavily female; aerospace engineering, heavily male — quotas distort rather than correct. Worse, they can cast doubt on the achievements of those admitted under them, an outcome no advocate of equity would welcome.

A more defensible approach intervenes earlier. Targeted outreach at secondary-school level, needs-based scholarships, and mentorship schemes expand the applicant pool without compromising selection criteria — addressing cause rather than symptom. Universities in Sweden, having pursued precisely this route, have narrowed gender gaps in STEM without resorting to numerical caps.

In short, equal opportunity is non-negotiable; equal outcomes, imposed mechanically, are not the same thing. The former demands serious investment; the latter offers only the appearance of progress.


逐項對照(五個維度)

1. Task Response / Task Achievement

| Band | 立場 | 論證深度 | 引文證據 | |------|------|----------|----------| | 6 | I partly agree — 立場模糊、兩面都講但不分主從 | 理由正確但淺——"girls feel lonely" 停在感受層次 | "This is good for their future jobs because in the workplace there are both men and women." | | 7 | imposing strict quotas ... is unlikely to produce fair outcomes — 明確反方,但仍承認目標 | 給數字(15%)+ 具體機制(outreach programmes) | "Forcing a 50-50 split could frustrate students' actual interests without addressing the underlying causes of imbalance." | | 8 | the more meaningful intervention lies upstream — 重新定義問題,不只是選邊 | 辨認「結構問題 vs 症狀」;瑞典案例;「equal opportunity vs equal outcomes」的哲學區分 | "equal opportunity is non-negotiable; equal outcomes, imposed mechanically, are not the same thing." |

2. Coherence & Cohesion

| Band | 連接詞 | 段落功能 | 典型證據 | |------|--------|----------|----------| | 6 | On the one hand / On the other hand / Also / For example — 重複、B1 等級 | 每段有主題句但發展鬆散 | "Also, when boys and girls work together, they can learn from each other." — 跳接、沒轉場 | | 7 | Supporters ... argue / However / Furthermore / In conclusion, although — 多樣、語意精準 | 每段有明確角色(for / against / verdict) | "Furthermore, genuine personal preferences play a role in subject choice..." | | 8 | Yet / in principle / Worse / in short — 細膩、推進論證 | 段落間有 upstream argument / cause vs symptom 等主線貫穿 | "Yet the same policy risks producing the very injustice it purports to address." |

3. Lexical Resource

| Band | 詞彙樣貌 | 搭配 | 典型證據 | |------|----------|------|----------| | 6 | good / fair / force / like / important — 單音節基礎詞、重複 | 常見搭配 | "equal numbers of men and women in university is good. It is good because..."good 出現 4 次 | | 7 | commendable / enforce / under-represented / discourages / outreach — 學術中階 | 搭配自然 | "create an unwelcoming environment that deters others from applying" | | 8 | blunt instrument / perpetuate / self-select out / rupture that feedback loop / purports to address / cast doubt on — 精準且帶姿態 | 搭配老練 | "severely skewed cohorts ... can perpetuate themselves" |

4. Grammatical Range & Accuracy

| Band | 句型 | 錯誤 | 典型證據 | |------|------|------|----------| | 6 | 大量簡單句 + and/but/because | 偶有冠詞、主謂錯 | "If we only look at gender, some good students cannot enter the university." — 可理解但僵 | | 7 | 複合句 + relative clause + passive + conditional | 幾乎無錯 | "If universities are required to admit identical numbers regardless of the applicant pool, some qualified candidates may be rejected..." | | 8 | Cleft、倒裝、分詞片段、破折號子句 | 無錯、節奏有變 | "Universities in Sweden, having pursued precisely this route, have narrowed gender gaps in STEM..." — participle 前置 |

5. Overall Register / Sophistication

| Band | 態度 | |------|------| | 6 | 個人口吻、舉例像聊天 | | 7 | 論證客觀、承認對方 | | 8 | 哲學重構(equal opportunity vs equal outcomes)、節制的 rhetoric |


Takeaway — Band 6 寫作者的三個高槓桿升級

升級 1:把 good / bad / important 從文章裡刪光

每次想寫 good → 問「好在哪?」。beneficial / advantageous / worthwhile / commendable 各有位子。

練習:找你最近一篇 essay,把每個 good 圈起來,一個個換。

升級 2:每段至少一個 relative clause + 一個 passive

Band 6 句型單調,Band 7 的分水嶺是複雜句比例。一個可操作指標:每段身體段至少一個 which / who / that 子句,且至少一次被動is required / may be rejected / have been identified)。

升級 3:Intro 要重新定義題目,不只是 paraphrase

Band 6 只把題目換字;Band 7+ 會把問題 reframe。

  • Band 6:Many people think universities should have the same number...
  • Band 7:imposing strict quotas ... is unlikely to produce fair outcomes(換框架:equality vs outcome)
  • Band 8:the more meaningful intervention lies upstream(再換框架:input vs output)

每寫一題,先問自己:這題真正在爭什麼? 把那句話寫進 intro。


下一篇:Task 2 Discussion — Band 6 vs 7 vs 8