動機類長條圖最容易寫成「四國都最重視 X」的流水帳。本篇用四國民眾捐血動機示範怎麼挑出最高動機 + 最低動機，並用「利他 vs 自利」的分組 overview 寫出 Band 7+。
題目與數據
The bar chart below shows the main reasons given by people for donating blood in four countries (the UK, Japan, Brazil and Egypt) in 2023. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
資料（單位：% of donors citing each reason）：
| 國家 | 利他 Altruism | 家人需要 Family need | 公司活動 Workplace drive | 獎金/福利 Incentives | |------|---------------|---------------------|-------------------------|----------------------| | UK | 62 | 18 | 14 | 6 | | Japan | 38 | 22 | 36 | 4 | | Brazil | 55 | 30 | 8 | 7 | | Egypt | 28 | 52 | 6 | 14 |
完整範文（168 字）
¹ The bar chart compares the main motivations cited by blood donors in the United Kingdom, Japan, Brazil and Egypt in 2023.
² Overall, altruism was the leading reason in three of the four countries, but it was clearly outranked by personal and family considerations in Egypt, while Japan stood out for the unusually heavy role played by workplace donation drives.
³ British donors were by far the most likely to cite altruism, at 62%, followed closely by Brazilians at 55%. ⁴ Helping a relative came a distant second in both countries, accounting for 18% and 30% respectively, with workplace drives and financial incentives together making up only a small minority of responses.
⁵ Egypt presented a strikingly different pattern: family need dominated at 52%, more than double the proportion citing altruism, and incentives drew the highest share of any country at 14%. ⁶ In Japan, meanwhile, workplace campaigns rivalled altruism, the two reasons being separated by just two percentage points.
句句 Band Descriptor 解析
- 句 1 — Task Achievement: 改寫題目（motivations cited by 取代 reasons given for）。
- 句 2 — Task Achievement (Overview): 三層分組——altruism 在三國領先 / Egypt 例外 / Japan 例外——一句寫完三大主要特徵。Band 7+ overview 標準。
- 句 3 — Lexical: by far the most likely to cite 比 the highest 更精準描述「動機題」中的「比例」用法。
- 句 4 — Grammar Range: with workplace drives and financial incentives together making up only a small minority — with + 分詞片語把零碎類別合併處理。
- 句 5 — Coherence: Egypt presented a strikingly different pattern topic sentence 帶段。
- 句 6 — Lexical + Grammar: the two reasons being separated by just two percentage points — 分詞獨立結構，一句寫完「兩者差異」。
9 組高分詞彙
| Phrase | 中文 | |--------|------| | cite as the leading motivation | 將…列為主要動機 | | be outranked by | 被…超越（重要性） | | stood out for the heavy role played by | 因…的高占比而顯得突出 | | come a distant second | 遠遠落居第二 | | make up only a small minority | 僅占少數 | | present a strikingly different pattern | 呈現截然不同的模式 | | more than double the proportion citing | 超過提到…比例的兩倍 | | draw the highest share of any country | 占比為各國中最高 | | separated by just X percentage points | 僅相差…個百分點 |
本篇避開的常見錯誤
錯誤：把「比例」跟「人數」混用。 題目資料是「捐血者中提到 X 動機的百分比」，不是「全國總人口的百分比」。寫成 62% of British people donate blood for altruism 直接 misrepresent data，Task Achievement 扣到 5.0。
本範文一律用 donors who cite / proportion citing / share of donors 鎖定「捐血者中」，避免誤讀數據。另外用 percentage points 明確處理差距，避免跟 percent 混淆。